I'm not ready for this yet, and the reasons why.

I had a conversation with John Watters today, and it was one of the most meaningful conversations about my practice that I've had for a long time. This last stretch of PPP this year has had me very mixed up and troubled. Make a business card. Make a website. Write your CV. Get an Instagram. Think of yourself as a professional. All these things we've been told to do, and all these things I'm not yet ready to do.

I love making pictures. I love learning, both being educated and educating myself. It has taken me this long to reach a place where I'm really at peace with how I'm starting to make work and approach work and have ideas, and right now I'm feeling so joyfully new to this. Right now I'm only ready to keep learning, and keep evolving, and keep playing and keep creating, and keep getting lost in making things  only for the sake of making them - and I'm definitely not ready to think of myself as a professional. I don't want to, either.  

As I said to John, my skills as a practitioner have come so far from where they were this time last year, and I hope they're still so far off from where they'll be this time next year, and the year after next.  I can better understand why building a CV would be of such importance were I actively trying to 'make it' as a professional and attract work, but I'm not. I have zero intentions of trying to attract professional, paid work yet. This time is for immersion, for learning. So why go through the motions? For some people this is great - they're ready to start thinking of themselves as professionals. But I'm not, and I refuse to be told that I have to. I fundamentally disagree with this one-size-fits-all approach to development - this is an art school. Maybe I'm being an idealist, but surely the emphasis should be on the joy of development, not on the professionalization of a second year practice? The work I make now, and the relationship I have with that work, is mine, and I want to keep it like that, at least for now. I'm so happy to be still figuring all of this out, but it's still so new. 

Last year I did an internship with Owen Gildersleeve, and got to go with him to the launch of Secret 7" 2015. While there I had a conversation with Ciara Phelan, a collage artist. She was asking me about my experiences so far on my degree and talked to me about her experiences on a Graphic Design degree. She told me that her biggest regret about the formative years of her practise was putting things 'out there' before she was ready too. So I'm heeding her advice. 

When I have a body of work to share, I will. When I have a more wholly formed creative identity, all of this will follow. I'm not naive, and I understand the importance of self-promotion and practicalities in today's  industry, but the time isn't right just yet.

With John's support, I feel justified in putting the brakes on this aspect of PPP for now. That isn't to say I'm putting the brakes on my personal and practical development. That will keep evolving and growing and changing as I continue figuring out my place in all this, and keep falling in love with pictures and creativity and ideas. 

These are some very honest thoughts and feelings. I hope they are understood.